17 September 2008

The Secular Gym: Hoo-Ha Central.


"For a while we tried to work out at home, using a series of instructional DVDs called 'Abs, Buns, and Brimstone,' which were hosted by a body-builder dressed as a sleeveless pastor, who said things like 'You'll never get raptured with that big ol' butt!' and 'When God looks at you, He says, 'Gee, I don't remember creating all that cellulite!'' Mom and I tried, but we missed the camaraderie of a gym, so we decided to open our own, in a strip mall, and we called our place Jesus Christ You're Fat."